The Lightning Strike
by aprilhope
Summary: No sooner do B&J enter into the shocking world of monogamy than they find themselves in much more daunting and unfamiliar territory...Justin's pregnancy. Mpreg you might like even if you don't usually like mpreg. Drama, humor, not crack.
1. Prologue

The Lightning Strike  
by AHS

Prologue:

_These accidents of faith and nature  
They tend to stick in the spokes of you  
But every now and then the trend bucks  
And you're repaired by more than glue_

Seven years together (more or less), _deeply_ into the quadruple digits (possibly nearly quintuple) of number of fucks, and somehow the condom had never broken.

Until, one night, it did.

Brian didn't realize until he started to pull out. Justin was all satiated smiles, commenting almost drunkenly about being dripped on, then suddenly sitting up.

"Oh… shit."

Brian saw that "shit" and raised him a "fuck" and many repetitions of both. He counted to ten, dragged Justin to the bathroom, gave him a little shove into the shower, and was proud of himself for not punching his own reflection in the mirror.

Justin said, "It'll be fine, Brian," and then washed quietly.

He found Brian on the couch with a drink in his hand when he got out. Took it from him, set it down, and guided him back to their bed. They lay, not sleeping, not talking, only lightly touching… Justin's head against Brian's shoulder. Two of Brian's fingers curled over Justin's wrist.

xxx

The next day, they went together to get tested.

Brian was serious as a heart attack the whole time, but he wasn't _very _worried. Despite the fact that he was happy, and the panic that usually brought. He'd been damn near ridiculously happy for almost a year, and yeah, he'd spent a long time pretty much waiting for the other shoe to drop every day, but he'd gotten better about it. And he knew the chances of him or Justin having anything were slim to none.

They both got tested regularly and _always _used protection. Justin didn't even trick. Brian did, occasionally, but really only enough to appease his partner.

When Justin moved from New York back to Pittsburgh and back into the loft the year before, Brian had still been ready to get married. Justin had said no, not because he didn't want to, but out of (Brian had deduced) some twisted sense of guilt for having left. It was this same misplaced emotion that had caused Justin to insist that Brian keep tricking.

If he didn't, Justin would start going on about how Brian shouldn't have to change who he was, blah-blah, that bullshit again. Justin would remember leaving Brian alone on their bed to go get on a plane and would get fucking tears in his eyes. So it was easier to just indulge, maybe once every few weeks. It's not like it was torture or anything. But even those instances were mostly kept to blow jobs.

The first day of waiting for the results, Brian found himself quite pissed at Justin. As far as he was concerned, what had happened just pointed out that they shouldn't _need_ to be using condoms anymore.

"Now, listen here, Sunshine. I asked you to marry me. As insane as I'm sure it sounded coming out of my mouth, I fucking meant it and I still do. From that point on… you were it for me. I didn't want the tricks anymore, didn't need them anymore. I didn't even want to pretend I needed them anymore, and I still don't. When you were in New York, that was one thing, but you've been in our bed every night for a year, Justin. What the fuck? We should be fucking _raw_, constantly. My cum should be inside you and running out of your ass every day, right now, and we shouldn't even have to think about it except to think how fucking lucky we are! So, fuck you! The tricking is _done_ and I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Stunned and feeling more love than he'd thought his body could hold, Justin wisely kept his tears at bay, and offered just one more word about it.

"Okay."

They kissed slowly and jerked each other off slowly, then not so slowly.

The second day, Brian tried at first to distract himself with work. Justin tried to draw, but neither of them got very far. Eventually, they gave up and held each other, wrapped around each other, and watched movies, just together.

xxx

When the call came, the person was smart enough and decent enough to give them the results they'd been waiting for first. Both negative, for HIV and everything else. All clear. But…

"There's a new test we've started to run on blood samples from gay males…"

Justin gripped Brian's hand hard as they looked at each other, thinking the same thing but trying not to. _Is there a new disease? A new AIDS?_

"…and there was a positive result. Shit, only Mr. Taylor should be on the phone for this."

Brian's heart sped up and away from its place of calm, seizing in his chest. Justin tried to tell the guy on the phone that anything he needed to say, Brian could hear, but his mouth had gone too dry to form the words.

"Just fucking tell us!" Brian yelled.

There was one worry they'd hadn't worried over. One possibility they hadn't quite realized was possible.

"Mr. Taylor, it appears that you are pregnant."

_Slowly the day breaks apart in our hands_

(Lyrics used throughout from the Snow Patrol song epic, "The Lightning Strike")


	2. Part 1

The Lightning Strike  
by AHS

Part One:

_Now it's found us  
Like I have found you  
__I don't want to run  
Just overwhelm me _

"_Mr. Taylor, it appears that you are pregnant."_

Brian wanted to laugh. Fuck, he wanted to laugh, because that was the funniest shit he'd ever heard in his life.

Except that it wasn't, at all.

It wasn't a joke. Somehow he knew it was real. It was a world gone mad, but he'd seen the stories on the news, starting a couple of years back. He'd even come across one or two of these guys in person… Half of a sickeningly glowing pair of Stepford fags once. Some sad, round-bellied hustler on his knees on Liberty, doing his damnedest to avoid early retirement. (Hell, there was probably a fetish market for that. Those "straight," married businessmen were some twisted fucks.)

He hung up the phone. Justin had dropped it.

Justin, for his part, was having some kind of out-of-body experience. Or mental break, or something. He was trying to speak but no sound was coming out. And he couldn't feel his legs. He felt like he was floating, looking down on a ridiculously bad TV-movie starring a guy who looked like him. Then the screen went dark and he fainted.

He came to a couple of minutes later, on the couch, Brian having caught him and carried him there. He opened his eyes to see genuine panic peeking out under arched eyebrow.

"Fuck. Is this a symptom? You gonna start puking on me next?"

"Brian…" Justin's voice shook a little. "Do you think it's true?"

Brian ran a hand through his own hair, feeling exhausted even though it was barely afternoon. It wasn't until Justin's hand lay on top of his other that they realized his fingers were lightly stroking Justin's stomach through his shirt.

The fingers stilled.

Brian tried to feel _something_, sense something there, through his fingertips. But… he couldn't even fathom it.

"We're getting a second opinion."

xxx

Brian spent the next couple of hours searching the internet for doctors who were not completely incompetent in an area of specialization that was still… well, in its infancy, so to speak. Justin was sure they were going to end up hopping a plane to New York, or at least Philadelphia, before Brian found somebody he thought was good enough. But then, _there _was Dr. Charles Reynard, highly recommended and accredited and listed right in Pittsburgh.

Justin told Brian there was no way they would get in to see the doctor that day. Probably not for weeks, at the least. But Brian needed answers now. Needed to _do something_. So, he called Dr. Reynard's office and yelled at the poor receptionist and demanded that his partner get seen _right fucking away_.

By his face, and the way he slammed the phone down, Justin guessed they'd offered him an appointment in about a month. But Brian, practically fuming, informed him that the earliest they could get him in was "eight o'clock _tomorrow _fucking morning." Justin told him that was amazing, that he was amazing… and, reluctantly, that Brian needed to get to Kinnetik.

"Fuck… What are you gonna do?"

"Well… I don't have to be at the gallery today."

"You could see your mom, or Daphne."

"Talk to them about this? No. No, I- I can't be in a room with them and not tell them, but I don't want to tell them or anybody until we know more… I kind of feel like I just want to crawl into bed and sleep all day."

"Are you really that tired?"

"A little. Mostly, I just don't want to have to think, I guess… You mind if I come with you? Maybe just nap on your sofa? Or do you- You probably want to get away from me for a while."

Justin was really kind of floored by how well Brian was handling things so far. There was a big difference between agreeing to monogamy, which was already a huge deal, and the possibility of… of…

"Don't be a twat. C'mon. We'll get you some food on the way."

_In the car…_

"Fuck, is that what happened? I called you a _twat_ too many times and you went and grew one?"

Justin didn't much appreciate the humor, but he appreciated that almost nervous half-smile. Appreciated that Brian was trying, in his own way, to reassure him.

"Yes, Brian. You definitely did this to me."

xxx

_The next morning_

"It's got to be a mistake, right?"

"Most babies are."

"Brian, that's horrible and not what I meant." Justin picked up an issue of _Working Mother _and put it back down without even seeing it. "Fuck, I'm nervous. This is just so weird."

The waiting room was filled almost exclusively with pregnant women. Justin (and Brian, though he was faking cool) felt really out of place.

"You sure this is the right guy?" Justin whispered.

"He's supposed to be specialized in both male and female obstetrics."

Justin couldn't quite interpret some of the looks they were getting from the female patients. He thought he saw flashes of everything from curiosity to disgust to anger to empathy. But mostly they kept their eyes down, their faces hidden in old magazines.

"I don't see any other possibly preg-" Justin stopped. "I can't say it yet."

Brian shook his head. "Me either."

"But, you know… other men in this situation."

"What about that one?" Brian subtly nodded towards a guy on the other side of the room. Sitting alone and looking decidedly… freaked.

"Maybe his wife is having tests done and he's worried."

"No ring. And, watch this."

Brian stared at the man until he looked up. Instantly, even from that distance, Justin could see the desire flare in the man's eyes. Brian smiled proudly.

"See? Gay." He scratched his ear and muttered, "Though, sure as hell wouldn't be the first guy with a wife who-"

"Good God. Even _with child _and scared out of their minds, everybody wants to fuck you."

"Want to go talk to him or something?"

"Not now! He'll just think we're hitting on him."

"Justin Taylor?" A nurse peeked her head in. "Dr. Reynard will see you now."

They were ushered into the doctor's office, rather than an exam room. Justin was confused but relieved. They weren't kept waiting as long as either expected, but if the doctor had squeezed them in, he probably needed to get the appointment going.

An African-American man in his early fifties, with a slight gray beard and an intelligent, round face, walked into the room. Closed the door behind him. Came up and shook both their hands, introducing himself before walking behind his desk.

Brian eyed the noticeable pudge under the man's white lab coat.

"No, I'm not pregnant. Just have a weakness for lemon pound cake." Dr. Reynard said, patting his tummy.

Justin put one hand over his eyes and used the other to blindly thwap Brian for being rude. Even Brian looked embarrassed, but the doctor just laughed, sat, and got down to business.

"Well, now that we've broken the ice…" He opened a chart. "Mr. Taylor, let's see… You're twenty-four…"

"Am I not having an exam today?"

"No, you will be. But I've found that having a talk with men such as yourself before the exam is often a good idea, for the same reason we make an effort to schedule men in so quickly. There are so many questions, and they can have a hard time comprehending what's happening to them…"

"What the fuck _is_ happening?" Brian somewhat barked. "Just tell us, with as little fanfare and bullshit as possible."

"Justin is pregnant."

Brian blinked. That was definitely low on fanfare. "So… it's for sure?"

"The clinic sent us Justin's test results. We'll take another blood sample today, just to reassure you, but this is pretty definitive. You are pregnant."

Brian's hands grabbed his head like it hurt. "Could you please stop using that word?"

Justin wasn't comfortable with the word, either, but Brian's reaction bothered him possibly worse.

"I'll try, Mr. Kinney," Dr. Reynard said patiently. "Justin, how are you feeling? General health-wise?"

"Oh… Fine, I guess."

"That's good. What we'll do today will be a fairly standard exam, just kind of checking on you. There's not much we can do yet to check on the baby. It's too early for an ultrasound."

_The baby. _Fuck. They'd managed to not think in terms of those words yet. And now…

Brian thought of a question and quickly took the distraction. "Speaking of too early, the fucking condom only broke a few days ago. How the hell could they tell he's-… from a test a day later?"

"Conception occurs much faster in men than in women," Justin mumbled.

"That's correct," Dr. Reynard confirmed, impressed. "In women, it can take a week or two to detect, mostly because the process of fertilization takes longer. With men, it seems to be pretty much like a lightning strike."

Brian looked at Justin like he almost wanted to be mad. "I know you always know random facts and statistics and shit, but I did _not_ realize you knew that kind of stuff about _this._"

"Daph. Medical school. She did a big paper on this… growing phenomenon."

"Now she can bring you in and get extra credit."

"Shit, she'll want to."

"What happened in the fucking world, Doc? Is this where evolution's gotten us?"

"Biology is changing, to a certain extent, every day. Boys and girls these days, for instance, are starting puberty earlier and earlier. Men developing the ability to conceive and carry a child is yet another change, granted, monumentally bigger than most."

"But why?"

"No one can really say. Everyone has theories, of course. Some put it to environmental chemicals, steroids used in meat production…"

"Sunshine here eats a cheeseburger made from a cow with 'roid rage and now he's knocked up?"

"_Brian_."

The doctor chuckled. "Not quite that simple. But, so far, it is only in developed nations that male pregnancy is occurring."

Justin spoke up, a thoughtful look on his face. "I like to think this is all God fucking with the homophobes. Like, 'They can procreate now. Suck on it.'"

Mixed feelings about everything that was going on aside, Brian's face couldn't help but break into a wide grin. He turned to look at Justin, and his hand reached over to grab pale fingers. "I might even have to believe in a God like that."

xxx

So, Dr. Reynard went over with them the Cliffs Notes of this strange new chapter of the big book of how babies are made, and it went something like this…

As of 2007, it was estimated that 20% of men were _capable _of conceiving. This was due to an extra internal organ they possessed, which actually started out about the size of a pea and expanded with adulthood. It was unclear when its existence began, but only in the last few years was it discovered to function as a womb. How sperm traveled from the rectum to this neighbor organ was explained as something like osmosis via a _selectively _permeable membrane. The sperm then actually fused with chromosomal material from inside the organ to become a fetus.

Ta-_da_.

Dr. Reynard told them, _"Even now that we've - more or less - figured out the science of it, it should not work. This should not be medically possible. But it is. I'm still amazed by the miracle of a woman giving birth, even after all these years, but this? Men giving birth? This is a true fucking miracle."_

Brian's estimation of the doctor went way up once he said "fucking."

One in five men hypothetically *could* conceive, but obviously only gay men were going to. Though some fools claimed the overall gay population was only 4% of the total, taking the more realistic 10% statistic, that meant about 2% of men were in the running. Dividing that in half (the, uh, _"bottom" _half), and subtracting a bit more for age and other factors, that meant only about ¾ of one percent were actually getting pregnant.

Making it rare, yes, but that still added up to around 800,000 pregnant men in the U.S. alone.

There was no birth control pill yet that worked for men. No actual form of birth control other than condoms.

There was no such thing as natural childbirth for men. As Brian made sure to check, and the doctor confirmed, no one would be _"crapping out a baby."_ Caesarean was the only option. If it got to the end, the baby was ready to be born, and there wasn't a hospital nearby… they would have to get to a hospital, fast. Natural childbirth equaled death, for the child, and often for the father.

At that point in their education, Brian squeezed Justin's hand really, really hard.

Possibly the biggest surprise of the morning came when the doctor asked Brian if he would like to be tested for the genetic marker that indicated the capacity for pregnancy. Justin could tell Brian would rather go down on Mel than find out such a thing… but his partner nodded, yes.

xxx

The drive back to the loft was mostly silent. But that allowed Brian to immediately notice the change in Justin's breathing.

"You okay?"

Justin's breaths were kind of wheezy and shallow. He was wringing his hands, painfully, repetitively, fingernails digging into skin. And his head turned slightly towards Brian when he heard his name, but his eyes wouldn't make contact.

"Justin, breathe."

Suddenly overly aware of the seat belt, it started to feel like it was choking him, and Justin pulled at it desperately.

"Fuck, hang on, I'm pulling over."

Quickly onto the shoulder and thrown into park, Brian reached over and unbuckled Justin, careful not to touch him too much. He hadn't had a panic attack for quite a while, but Brian still knew the drill.

Papers about what to eat while pregnant and an appointment reminder card spilled off Justin's lap as he wriggled free and wrapped his arms around himself, face pained and eyes watery.

"You're okay. You're okay. You're okay." Brian tried to calm Justin with his voice. "Are you breathing? Let me see. Slow… deep breaths."

He watched Justin's arms release and his chest shudder and expand as he breathed in. He watched those lips he loved purse and slowly push out air, and when Justin was able to look him in the eye, he placed a small kiss on them.

"Good boy."

"Brian, I'm sorry."

Justin used to apologize for his attacks all the time, which was wrong, and bullshit, and Brian always told him so. But Brian got the feeling this was an even dumber, sadder apology. That he was apologizing for… being…

"Rest, okay?" he said, driving again. "We're almost home."

xxx

Once they got back to the loft, Brian encouraged a physically and emotionally exhausted Justin to sleep. Which meant Brian had almost two silent hours alone with nothing but the very loud screaming in his head.

He refused to freak out. He couldn't. He thought about Justin's face in the car, Justin unable to breathe, and he knew he had to act like he had it together to keep him calm.

He paced. He practically did laps around the loft.

Pain management… well, it was calling to him, but not _all_ his usual methods. Even if he hadn't just promised monogamy, somehow going out and fucking (possibly _fertile_) men was not appealing at the moment. Alcohol sounded pretty damn good, but he managed to think better of it.

Weed. Fuck, he needed weed like never in his life.

He went to get the stash box. Relax.

xxx

Didn't work.

Pot _never _made Brian paranoid. But he lit up for barely five minutes and all he could see behind his closed eyes was the image of a fucking baby choking on smoke.

Justin woke up and found Brian standing on the sofa, gulping in big mouthfuls of air, trying to get rid of any and all leftover marijuana that might be floating. Once Justin figured out that's what he was doing (and not having a heart attack), it was ridiculously adorable.

He got them a bottle of water out of the fridge to share and sat on the sofa.

"You feeling better?" Brian asked, sitting beside him, chagrined.

"Yeah, I am. How are you feeling?"

"I realized, I guess I shouldn't smoke." He gestured to his extinguished joint in the ashtray and was struck with a new thought. "Fuck, shouldn't smoke _anything _anymore… 'cause it's bad for the…"

The next word wouldn't come out of his mouth.

Justin sighed. "We'll worry about giving up our vices soon enough. Right now I think we need to learn how to say… 'the baby.'"

Brian was silent.

"Or… Brian did you want to-… want me to get…? Look, I know this is something you didn't expect and probably never wanted, and I know Dr. Reynard told us the options, and I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this yet, but… I do know there's no way I could get rid of something that is you and me, so if you can't-"

"The baby."

Justin's rambling little speech halted. He looked at Brian and Brian was looking right at him.

"Once we say it, it's real. And I'm okay with that. Okay with… the baby."

"You are?" Justin tried not to sound so doubting, but he couldn't help it. "You actually want it?"

"Nah, but I didn't think I wanted you or Gus either, until I got you."

Brian's smile was teasing, still genuine. And it was enough to reassure Justin, make him smile, too. But it wasn't the complete truth.

"Okay, that's bullshit. Justin, I do want it."

"…You do?"

"Maybe it doesn't make sense, 'cause even now, I'm not sure anyone should have me as a father-"

"Brian."

"And I'm definitely too old for this shit-"

"You're only thirty-six, Murtaugh."

"And I still can't quite believe… everything. If I thought Ted had the balls, I'd almost think he'd arranged this to fucking _punk _me-"

"Arranged _what_?" Justin prepared to be very pissed off with his partner. "You think Ted poked a hole in the condom?"

"No, twat. Listen. What I'm trying to say is, knowing this news… I don't want to smash my life. I don't want to run away. I don't want out of this. I've been happy and now I think I might be even happier. Which- fuck, that's scary in itself…"

"I know."

"But it might be nice… having a kid around. I think I want that."

They both knew how much Brian missed Gus. Justin, more than anyone else, had been sure Mel and Linds would realize they belonged in Pittsburgh and move back within a year, like he had. But Gus had recently turned seven and was still living in Canada, away from his dad. It was wrong and Justin hated it.

Now, with Brian's words, Justin finally let his mind imagine what this pregnancy could mean. Not the next nine months… he wasn't ready to go there… but after that. He and Brian and a little boy or girl, with hazel eyes and maybe his blond hair… a family. And at last he knew how he felt about it all.

"I want it, too."

Brian ran his hand over Justin's bare arm, making him shiver… up to squeeze his shoulder… then slid fingers around the back of his neck, holding. Pulled him closer. Looked at him. Really looked into Justin's eyes and was fucking thankful that he didn't have to hold anything back when he did that anymore. Didn't have to hide or diminish how much he loved the man. That they were so far past that.

He pressed his mouth against Justin's, relaxed and soft… felt Justin's lips pull him in… combining their warmth, and their tastes, into something so amazing, always so amazing… The two of them together…

Fuck. How amazing their kid was going to be.

"Brian?"

"Mm?"

"We're officially breeders."

Brian kept nuzzling Justin in a _why aren't we still kissing_ way, even after those words nearly gave him an early coronary. His smile got much too tight and much too wide, and he whispered, "Lucky for you you're having my kid, 'cause otherwise you'd be in trouble for that."

"It's not luck. It's a _true fucking miracle_," Justin grinned. "But, maybe give me some… _trouble_, anyway?"

Brian could most certainly do that, and he growled wickedly, though he could sense that what was about to take place would be one of those times more tender than wicked. He didn't even mind.

They moved to the bed, and naked, kissing, it went from hot and tender to… stopped.

Putting the condom on Brian's cock, Justin remembered what they'd decided, what Brian had declared. Soon they wouldn't need these anymore.

Then he remembered the test results, and… the _other _test results. He remembered everything that had changed in just the few days since that declaration. And he realized.

"Brian… we're never going to be able to fuck raw."

_I chase my blood from brain to thumped heart  
Until I'm out of breath for trying_


	3. Part 2

The Lightning Strike  
by AHS

Part Two:

_Worry not, everything is sound  
This is the safest place you've found_

Justin's face was completely heartbroken.

"If we ever fuck raw, we're going to run the risk of pregnancy. Every time. And you know it would happen."

Brian stroked a porcelain cheek with a fingertip. "Lightning strike."

Justin took in the lack of surprise in Brian's expression. "You'd already figured it out," he said simply. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I knew you'd realize before long, but I was hoping it wouldn't be today. Fuck, you've had enough to deal with."

"I'm not fragile, Brian… despite what happened on the way home." Justin pulled back a little, folding his arms in front of his chest, curling in on himself, before realizing his body was mimicking its scared posture from the car, and sitting up straight.

Brian lay back, gave him a minute, then gently tugged on his arm until Justin was stretched out, too, tucked into his side, head on his chest. "I know you're strong, believe me. But your drama princess nature is overriding the 1500 on your SAT's right now. It's not a flat _'never.'_ There are a few possibilities."

"What do you mean?"

"One, you heard Dr. Reynard. They're working on developing a pill…"

"We don't know how long that'll take. And I'll probably be allergic to it. _Ow!_"

Brian rubbed the skin on Justin's shoulder he'd just pinched. "That's what you get for making me be the optimistic one. Now, where was I?"

"Two."

"Two, if you've already got a bun in the oven, we can fuck as… _uncooked _as we want. Fuck 'can.' We will."

Justin's head raised and his eyes lit up. "In three months?"

Brian shook his head firmly. "Six months."

"Six… But I'll be fat! Won't I? I don't want to be fat when we _finally _get to…"

"Up to you, Sunshine. If you don't think you'll be comfortable, we can just skip it."

The way Justin looked at him, Brian knew there was no way his partner would give up the opportunity.

"What's number three?"

Brian didn't respond right away. That was all it took for Justin to get it.

"Oh my God."

Brian's test results had shown he did not possess the marker. He could not become pregnant.

"I'm not saying all the time…"

"No, of course not."

"I'll still be the t-"

"Absolutely."

"But… the option is there. For when we choose to take it."

Brian bottoming for Justin wasn't nearly as rare an occurrence as it once had been, but the number still hadn't quite made it past double digits.

"And you'd make that occasional sacrifice, hmm? Letting me fuck you? Letting me come in your ass and coat your insides and leak out of you all warm?"

Brian pushed Justin onto his back and straddled him, erections hot and pressing, leaning down and licking Justin's ear as he whispered, "Yes."

Then Justin's legs were in the air and Brian was inside and this moment _now _was so fucking incredible it was hard to imagine there could be something better.

xxx

"Brian?"

"Mm?"

"I don't think we should tell anyone."

"Okay."

"Not forever, just… for a while. I don't think I'm ready for their reactions yet."

"Okay."

"And I know Dr. Reynard said the chance of miscarriage isn't any higher for men than for women, but I don't want to risk it."

"Okay."

"I think I might just tell Daphne."

"Okay."

"…Think I'll get you a shirt that says _My BabyDaddy_-"

"Go to sleep, and don't you fucking dare, Sunshine."

"Just making sure you were paying attention."

xxx

"Oh my God. You…? You're…?"

"Yes."

Justin looked at Daphne's fork, halfway to her mouth, pasta salad hanging precariously, shaking along with her hand. He really should have let her finish eating before he said anything.

It had taken almost a week for Justin to get the nerve to tell his one chosen confidante. They had met at her apartment… well, the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, Derek… for lunch and a promised _surprise_.

That it had certainly been.

He watched her mouth drop open again and again. Watched her face spasm into nearly every possible expression, mostly ones of shock and delight. Then it unexpectedly morphed into a pissy, pouty face.

"You suck, Justin."

His mouth twitched, despite his concern. "Yes, I do. And?"

"It's bad enough that you found the love of your life when we were only seventeen! I can't fucking believe you're going to have a baby before I do!"

Justin blinked. "I'm… uh, sorry?"

Daphne grinned. "I'm just kidding! Oh my God! This is so amazing! I'm so happy for you!" Her fork long ago dropped, she glommed on to him with hugs, before pulling back slightly. "Wait, are you happy?"

"I wasn't sure at first. I freaked out, Daph."

"Well, yeah! Understandable! I mean, if it happened to _me_, I'd freak out, and it wouldn't be nearly as unexpected. So, how about now?"

"It still feels a little like a dream, but yeah, I am weirdly happy."

"Is Brian?"

"Believe it or not."

"Wow."

"Oh, I have to show you something." Justin pulled out his cell phone and started searching through the photo gallery.

"Wait, HOW did this…? Did you start doing it raw and not tell me?"

"No. Condom broke. And, on that topic…" He put the phone in front of her.

"Wha-? What the hell is Brian doing?"

"Blowing up condoms like balloons."

"Why?"

"Trying to figure out how the fuck the things ever break! I mean, look at that."

"I'm surprised Brian's not suing the manufacturer. He must really be happy."

"Once we start telling people, he's going to say it happened because the condoms I bought weren't big enough for him."

"Ha, nice. So, does that mean I'm the first person you've told?"

"That's how special you are, Daph."

"Aww. Who's next?"

"Nobody. Not for a while. It's just too new. I'm not even two weeks in. We decided to keep it a secret, at least for a couple of months."

"Okay, I understand about Debbie and the gang, but I think you should consider telling your mom."

"Maybe. Not now, but… before everybody else, I guess. I just know she'll be able to see…"

"What?"

"How terrified I am. God, of everything. What my body's going to go through. What this is going to do to Brian and me. What if something goes wrong? Even everything going right is terrifying."

"I think this will make you and Brian stronger than ever. And I am always right."

"True. You know, just before we found out, Brian said he still wanted to marry me. And we started the countdown to fucking raw. But now we can't."

"You can't get married?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. We haven't talked about that again since… But, no, I meant the _raw _part."

"Why can't you?"

"Daph, come on. You're going to be a doctor. Yes, I know, we can do it in six months when I'm a whale. And I can fuck Br-" Justin bit his lip. "Uh, nope, whale sex is the only option."

"Right, I'm not supposed to know Brian ever lets you fuck him. Never mind that you've been together seven years. And that you tell me every time you drink."

"Well, that's not going to be happening again for a while. The drinking part."

"But there is another option. If the only risk is you getting pregnant, why doesn't Brian just get… snipped?"

"_Snipped? _You mean-?"

"Sure. Why doesn't Brian get a vasectomy?"

Huh.

xxx

Justin had filed Daphne's suggestion away for the future. Maybe one day, when it was closer to being an issue again… or when Brian was in a _really _good mood… he'd bring it up.

Meanwhile, the earliest weeks passed, life going on as close to normally as possible. Keeping their secret was bringing Brian and Justin even closer together. But the gang was slowly starting to get suspicious.

When Emmett called and asked them to join everybody at Babylon one night, Brian actually said no at first. Justin's voice could be heard in the background in definite favor of going out. Justin won, of course, but they hadn't been in the club more than ten minutes before Brian nearly punched a guy for just _barely _bumping into Justin. It wasn't even like the guy had hit on Justin, so the gang couldn't make sense of it.

When Brian pulled him off the floor, Justin had thought they'd go up to the office, but instead Brian took them out of there and drove them home.

Got their clothes off, a condom on, and was pulling Justin down onto his cock, letting him ride his way to two orgasms before he could question any of it.

"Why… couldn't we have… done that… in your office?" Justin panted afterwards.

"They would have known we were fucking."

"What do you think they think we're doing now?"

"Probably what we just did. But we can pretend we're fighting."

"Why do we want to pretend we're fighting?"

"As an out. You got pissed at my caveman behavior on the dance floor, we're not speaking, and therefore we will be unable to attend dinner at Deb's tomorrow night."

"Oh."

"Unless you really want to go. I just figured it's easier not telling them the less we see them. And, since you seem to get your morning sickness in the evening at least every other day…"

It took a couple of weeks for that symptom to kick in, but when it did, it was unpredictable and not pretty.

"Smart. Fighting. Sounds good to me."

"Good."

"For the record, though, I thought your behavior on the dance floor was sweet."

"Sweet? Christ."

"Overreacting, definitely. But protective in a sweet way." Justin kissed Brian's shoulder. "You love us."

"_Us_." Brian uttered the word very quietly under his breath and put a hand over his face, seeming stressed. But when Justin lifted the hand and gave him a challenging look of _you know it's true_, Brian's eyes and voice were soft. "Yeah."

xxx

So, they skipped Sunday dinner. Trouble was, they'd already skipped the week before with no explanation, so they were pushing it with Debbie. Even more when they skipped a third week, supposedly because they had made up and had taken a little trip together so they could continue making up, non-stop, in luxury accommodations. Which was only a slight lie.

Brian took Justin to Britin for the first time since calling off the engagement two years earlier. Justin had never asked about the beautiful mansion, feeling like he had given up his right to it, and had just assumed Brian had sold it after he'd left for New York. When Brian stood in the very same spot where he'd proposed and told him it was still theirs, Justin once again had to recalculate the amount of love his body could hold. And, yes, even if they weren't actually making up, there was quite a bit of _non-stop _that followed_._

The week after that, Brian had to fly to Atlanta for Kinnetik business. He called Justin twice a day, burying concern under talk about whatever ("Restaurant the client wanted to go to had this disgusting white chocolate banana cake thing you would have wolfed down in five seconds, and oh yeah, are you taking those vitamins Dr. Reynard gave you?"- potassium, apparently, the sequitur there). And Justin, genuinely missing the gang in all this avoidance, decided to brave dinner at Deb's alone.

xxx

"Why the fuck would you do something like that?"

"Ugh, I don't _know_." Justin may not have had any alcohol, but he felt hung over from what he'd just been through. He'd called Brian as soon as he'd gotten home. "I foolishly kind of missed them?"

"We haven't gone in the fucking Witness Protection Program. You still see them most days. We still go to the diner."

"I know, but I missed the dinners. And Deb would have come around and dragged us over by our ears if we'd both skipped another one, you know she would."

"Most likely."

"I just… I'm only a little over a month along. I didn't want them to know this soon."

Brian sighed, hearing the emotional exhaustion in Justin's voice and wishing he weren't in another state. "Okay, Sunshine. Tell me."

"Emmett and Deb were debating… I don't know, Brad and Angelina versus Tom and Katie… versus Tom and Brad? Somewhere in the middle of that, Ben commented that he hadn't seen me smoking lately."

"Trust Mr. Health Nut to notice that."

"Right. And if I'd just said I'd decided to give it up, everything would have been fine. But I said, _'Yeah, WE quit.'_"

"Ah, shit."

"You should have seen how everybody flipped out at the thought of Brian Kinney giving up smoking! Imagine if I'd told them about the monogamy!"

"See, I resent that reaction. If they haven't caught on to my capacity for change yet, they're fucking clueless. I should have quit after the cancer, anyway. Fuck, I should have quit after Jack's poisoned lungs put him in a pine box."

"That's what Debbie said. Well, something like that."

"We don't need to tell them you did it cold turkey and I'm wearing this stupid patch."

"My lips are sealed. Anyway, everybody seemed to forget about it…"

"You and me quitting smoking _in tandem_, without the why, is kind of nauseatingly couple-y."

"More nauseatingly couple-y than the why of having a baby?"

There was silence. _Smartass. _Brian cleared his throat. "Then what?"

"Deb tried to pour me wine and I almost knocked the bottle out of her hands."

"Smooth."

"I should have just had soda, but I'm trying to be all good about the no caffeine, even though it's driving me _crazy_. So I had water."

"The only time you ever drink water is when you've been dancing for hours."

"I know. I'm trying to be better about it, but even the purified kind has an aftertaste like nickels… So, we're eating. I think the focus is safely off me. Michael's talking about something Hunter's doing at college. But the second there's a lull in conversation, Ted asks what's up with you and me and all our _'secret looks' _lately."

"Fuck, when will these people get lives?"

"I just kept chewing, didn't say anything. I might have a better poker face than, say, _Michael_, but I am really nota good liar. I think Blake took pity on me and said something to Ted and he dropped it. Emmett's eyes lit up for a second with that good gossip look, he started to open his mouth, but then he didn't."

"Ha, _Emmett_ kept his mouth closed?"

"Yeah, I sense the joke. Stay with me here, Brian."

"Well, you're taking forever to get there! How did it finally come out?"

"…I threw up."

"So, it came up _and_ out."

"Arrgh."

"Poor Sunshine. I know you're getting tired of hugging the toilet."

"I _wish _I'd been hugging the toilet. The farthest I could make it was the trash can in the kitchen."

"Could've been worse. Could've been Deb's casserole dish. Could've been Deb."

"I'm splashing water on my face in the sink, she's patting my back and asking if there's a bug going around. Suddenly I hear Michael… _'Not smoking, not drinking, getting sick. What are you, pregnant?'_"

"Mikey, Mikey… He was kidding."

"Oh yeah. He was totally kidding. He cracked himself up. Everybody laughed. But… okay, maybe my poker face isn't much better than his."

"You've got to know when to hold 'em…"

"The laughter got quieter and quieter and then they were all just staring."

"When to fold 'em, when to walk away, and when to fucking _run_."

"I was tired, and I felt caught, and I told them. I just said it… _'Yes.'_"

"Damn," Brian exhaled. "Finally, an interesting dinner and I missed it. I think I'd like Mikey's facial expression as my screensaver."

"I thought he was going to have an aneurysm."

xxx

All the reactions were pretty entertaining. Everyone was shocked, of course. But, once it sunk in…

Deb screeched with joy and had to nearly hold her hair on from excitement, proclaiming it a "FUCKING MIRACLE!" much more loudly than Dr. Reynard had. Hugged Justin too hard, then thought better of it and eased up, whispered in his ear how he and Brian had always been fucking meant to be, then declared the baby hungry, piling more and more food onto his plate.

Carl smiled and congratulated Justin but looked so incredibly uncomfortable that it was kind of funny. Poor guy had gotten past a very old-fashioned mindset and accepted all these gay boys and girls as family, and now he was supposed to process men giving birth, too? He needed an aspirin and a bourbon.

Em started to cry happy tears and declared that Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt could both take a backseat, because a Taylor-Kinney baby would undoubtedly be the most gorgeous baby the world had ever seen. Drew gripped Justin's shoulder warmly, giving him this look of understanding that Justin didn't really understand.

Ted… well, Ted spat out his drink. Then said something about how Brian and Justin needed to stop making him do that. Then made an "unwed father" comment, said with a grin, which Justin only slightly bristled at. Blake looked almost in awe of Justin, wishing him the best in that very sincere Blake way.

Ben happily started telling Justin about some fascinating article on male pregnancy he'd seen in one of his health magazines that he would cut out and give to him, all the while soothingly rubbing Michael's back.

Michael seemed not to be breathing for the first few minutes. Or even blinking. Then, inexplicably, he started to laugh. Laugh uncontrollably.

Justin wanted to smack him. Until Michael spoke, words sputtered around puffs of laughter.

"Oh my God… You're pregnant… You and Brian… _Brian's_… fucking _pregnant_!" Suddenly, he got quiet, his face deadly serious. "It is Brian's, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's Brian's!" Justin wanted to be offended, but he saw the relief on Michael's face and really couldn't manage it.

"Sorry! Just checking." Michael grinned goofily. "Brian's going to be driving a minivan soon, I can just see it."

"You're not upset?"

"Are you kidding? This is hysterical and kind of perfect. Mr. Anti-Stepford Fag has an almost-husband and a baby on the way. I love it." He'd just started going on about how they should bring _Rage _back for a special edition comic where JT gets pregnant with Rage's baby… when everyone sort of realized at once that Justin was pregnant and Brian was not there.

xxx

"What happened then?"

"Some of them may have vocalized concerns that… you had left me."

Justin wished Brian would yell at that, curse, but he was just quiet.

"Can't blame them for that, I guess."

"The fuck you can't! Brian, you've never left me. You haven't even pushed me away in a long time. And you've been so incredible about all of this."

Brian grinned on his end of the line, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. "I'm sensing Sunshine went off on the people for doubting his man?"

"Well, Sunshine would have. But Sunshine's mother got there first."

"Say what?"

"Oh, yeah, did I forget to mention my mom was there?"

xxx

Jennifer Taylor had been surprised by her son's sexuality… but not really. If she was honest with herself, under those layers of years of denial, she'd always known Justin was gay.

But she could genuinely say there was never the slightest part of her, for even the briefest moment in time, that had ever expected to hear her son announce his _pregnancy_.

She was sure everyone was too busy with their own shock at Justin's announcement to notice hers, and she was right. And, though this was a group with whom she never had to be anything but honest, she was glad for her WASP training in keeping up appearances when they started to question Brian's absence. She may not have been told anything… and she would get Justin for that later… but the years had taught her that Brian would be there for her son, in this and anything else that might come along down the road.

He was her son-in-_love_, if not law… something she had taken to calling him but tried not to let him hear… and he was a good man. She knew the people around the table knew that, but she wondered how they so often still seemed to forget.

So, pretending none of this was news to her, she told them all exactly that.

xxx

"I have a bit of a crush on your mom. Just so you know."

Justin smiled. "Noted. She is pretty great."

"Did she kick your shapely bottom yet?"

"No, but I've been _summoned _to lunch with her tomorrow."

"Uh oh, you're gonna get grounded. No TV for a month."

"She was really happy, though. She thinks she's too young to be a grandma but she's still excited. I know she'd thought this was something she couldn't have, you know, with a gay son."

"I'm still surprised she hasn't called me to rail at me for getting little Sunshine in trouble. Fuck, I'm surprised they all haven't-… _Fuck_."

"What?"

"Spoke too soon. Mikey's calling. I'm ignoring."

"Maybe you should talk to him."

"Later, later… Shit, now it's Ted… Jesus, now Deb, too! Are they trying to make my head explode or just my phone?"

"When do you get home?"

"Tomorrow night, around ten… Ahh, fuuuck!"

"What happened?"

"Somebody must've told Linds and Mel. Now they're calling."

"I dealt with everybody else. You can take the lesbians."

"Fine. But I'm calling back, after, for some phone sex."

"We'll both definitely have earned it. That is, if I can stay awake."

"Oh, I'll keep you up."

"You always do. Love you."

"-you."

xxx

Officially, Lindsay and Mel were happy for them.

Though Mel wasn't shy about saying how pissed off she was in general about men being able to conceive and bear children. Something about them not having to earn the right by suffering the years of periods and cramps and other shit that made Brian gag to think about.

He supposed that was true enough, and thank fucking God. He couldn't imagine Justin on the rag.

But eventually her feminist dyke mother rage died down and she sounded sincerely congratulatory. More like amused. Mel was not one to giggle, and she fucking giggled. And that's a frightening sound.

Lindsay… Brian expected her to get weepy-happy, in a calmer version of an Emmy Lou reaction, but he should have known her emotions would be more complicated. She was amazed, ecstatic, proud of him… quiet… irrationally angry that he hadn't told her first, as she was the baby's brother's mother… and, though she didn't say it, he could hear that something else in her voice. It wasn't jealousy, _exactly_, but something close. He knew she'd thought she would be the only one to ever have his child. She'd thought she was the only one who could have that bond with him, and it made her a little sad for it to no longer be true.

But, deep down, Lindsay had always been a Brian and Justin cheerleader. Genuine joy for them couldn't help but bubble up in her heart.

They all decided not to tell Gus yet, just to be on the cautious side. Brian always wanted to be honest with Gus, and if he saw his kid all the time like he wanted to, he figured he wouldn't be able to keep it from him. But Gus was still in Canada, and it seemed like the thing to do.

xxx

_About a month later_

Justin was celebrating the morning/evening sickness having gone bye-bye with a healthy dose of Brian's dick down his throat, once again able to do his best work without fear of hurling.

After Brian had come, well, maybe it wasn't the best time to bring it up, but Justin had been thinking about it for weeks, and Brian looked so fucking content that maybe he might be receptive to…

"What do you think about getting a vasectomy?"

It was possible he was being purposely ignored, but Justin hoped the lack of immediate response was because blood was just starting to return to Brian's brain and thinking hadn't quite kicked back in. Actually, Brian was thinking… preparing to do something, and… _Seriously? _Justin was interrupting with _that?_

"Brian? Did you hear-"

"I heard. Man, your after-sex talk used to be better than this."

"I'm serious. I think we should discuss it."

Brian sighed and propped up on one elbow, turned in towards Justin. "Okay. It's a great idea. It makes perfect sense."

"But?"

"I don't want to."

"Okay. Why not?"

"Because I've already had one _'simple surgical procedure' _down there. I'm not really too eager to get another scalpel in the area. And yeah, I know, they don't even have to use those anymore, but… Look, this one testicle of mine is giving all it's fucking got, and I'm kinda proud of it, and I just don't have the heart to… cut its efforts off at the pass, so to speak."

Justin reached down and fondled Brian's genuine ball gently in appreciation. He shifted closer and rested his forehead against Brian's heartbeat, always thankful for its existence. And he smiled because he knew Brian had researched vasectomies, even having been against the idea.

"I get that."

"Besides, what if someday you decide you want anoth-"

Justin's eyes opened wide. There was no way Brian was leaving himself open to the possibility of another baby. Brian must have had the same reaction, as his words remained unformed, and Justin let him off the hook.

"Several more months before we need to worry about it. Birth control, I mean."

"We can revisit the subject then, maybe." Brian's fingers slid along Justin's still flat belly and splayed. "How you feel?"

"Besides fat?" The changes had been subtle so far, but Justin's pants were starting to not fit and it was disturbing him. "I can tell something's there now. I can feel it. There's this fluttery thing that happens. Like…"

"You shouldn't have eaten those chili dogs?"

"_No. _It's like inside of there is a canvas and the baby's painting."

That was so dorky and beautiful and _Justin_ that Brian was inspired to return to the thought process that Justin had interrupted. He needed to stop thinking and just do it.

Brian pulled the small box out of hiding and presented it to Justin. Watched as he opened it, revealing their rings, and looked almost as amazed as he had at seeing Britin again.

"Even after what I just brought up? Not exactly the most romantic prelude."

"Yeah, well, knowing me, that probably helped… Marry me this time." It was a gentle order that was more of a plea, and it could not have been more romantic if it had been asked.

"Yeah, okay." The words were nonchalant, but the real answer was the smile, and it was blinding.

The kiss was pretty damn nice, too.

"Is this a shotgun wedding?" Justin teased.

"Considering I've been waiting two years for it," Brian sank both hands into blond hair and held, "I don't fucking think so."

_Something was bound to go right sometime today  
All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us_


	4. Part 3

The Lightning Strike  
by AHS

Part Three:

_And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth  
When you held onto me like I was your little life raft  
Please know that you were mine as well_

"Are you ready?"

"God, yes."

xxx

They'd made it. Six months.

It had taken to this point, not just to get the 100% free and clear, but for both of them to be ready… at the same time… to enjoy each other without hang-ups.

When Justin's body really started to change… putting on weight, belly expanding… it wreaked havoc with his self-esteem, especially in regards to sex. And that fucking threw Brian, because his partner had always been very sexually confident. Natural nervousness aside, he'd even been a fairly cocky virgin. The one exception was the time after the bashing, but that had been different. That had been trauma living in his skin, fear wired into his body and mind. This was purely Justin feeling unattractive, and Brian felt almost as at a loss as he had before at how to make Justin better because the idea was so unfathomable to him.

Finally, one night, when Justin was about five months along, Brian started to go down on Justin and Justin wouldn't let him. Kept pulling him back up, turning away.

"I don't need that."

"You don't _need _me to blow you?"

"…I don't want you to."

"Why the fuck not?"

"You know why."

"Tell me. Humor me."

"I don't want you looking-… Brian, I'm fat, I've got stretch marks. Even my dick's starting to look smaller as my stomach gets bigger!"

Brian tried not to laugh, because that really would not help. "Well, it still feels pretty damn big in my mouth."

Justin just threw an arm over his eyes. Suddenly, he felt Brian's hand around his cock and Brian's chin resting lightly on his stomach.

"And in my hand. Hmm. Maybe if I jerk you off while I do this, it won't seem so painfully lesbianic."

Then there were small kisses raining over his belly where the skin was stretched tight like a drum. And Brian, for naughty good measure, threw in a little tongue-fucking of Justin's belly button, which happily had not popped out yet. Coupled with the slow stroking by Brian's hand, and Justin was moaning, arousal outweighing embarrassment.

"Justin, listen to me. Are you listening?"

Justin bit his lip to hold back a smile. "Yes."

"You are fucking beautiful, okay? And you're just hot. Justin Taylor is hot, that's a fact, no getting around it. There hasn't been a day I've known you that I haven't wanted to fuck you."

Justin revealed his eyes, not quite believing, brow raised in question.

"From the beginning. Whether we were together or not. When you had that really gross cold and were basically a human snot factory. When you'd shut yourself up in your studio working for like three days straight and hadn't showered and you stank and had paint and Cheetos in your hair. _Couldn't get enough. _You think a little bit of a gut is gonna turn me off?

Brian watched understanding sink into blue eyes, and then, to complete his point, sank low and quickly swallowed Justin, setting him free.

Later, they talked, and Justin shared some of the worries he'd been holding in, about his pale white skin no longer being flawless, and the unlikelihood of his body ever again being exactly the body Brian was used to.

"If nothing else, I'll have a scar."

"And we'll be as proud of that scar as of this one." Brian touched a fingertip to Justin's temple. Hidden, barely visible now… "But this time we'll have a better souvenir of what you went through." He palmed Justin's stomach and their souvenir kicked on cue.

xxx

"Brian, look at me."

Justin shifted onto his back, that Brian had just been molded against. Brian moved to kneel between his spread legs, leaning over him.

"I want you looking down at me like this when you push in. I want it to be like the first time but _so different_."

"I don't think I can bend you in half like I did the first time," Brian said, jokingly, to keep from fucking tearing up.

"I just want to see your eyes when-"

Brian silenced Justin with a fierce kiss, that gentled slowly, until he pulled back and stared openly at his husband. Palmed and pressed bare cock inside him.

Something was there that had always been there. But, more than that, it was different. God, it was so different.

xxx

They were not legally married.

They actually could have been. When procreation became involved, a lot of new legislature was quickly introduced. Very few courts were comfortable with denying two individuals who shared a 100% _biological _child the right to marry, gay or not. It was now legal in forty-two states, including Pennsylvania, for two gay males who had conceived a child to get married.

They considered it. But a DNA test would have been required to prove the baby was Brian's, and that was bullshit they didn't need to deal with. Anyway, Justin was pretty adamant about not wanting to do it just because they now happened to fit into almost a legal loophole. He didn't want to do it legally until _everybody _could. Brian proudly agreed.

So, they had private vows to themselves, and a ceremony just for the family. Both at Britin (into which they finally moved, though they kept the loft). No fucking seating charts. No extravagant plans that caused more headaches than happiness. Simple.

But… there were golden gardenias, there were Hugo Boss tuxes, and there was dancing.

xxx

Everything was… hotter. Quite literally.

It shouldn't make that much difference, should it? The lack of that thin latex barrier? But Brian's cock was hotter and Justin's ass was hotter and they both thought they might melt before they were done.

Maybe it was just the knowledge that it was gone. Maybe it was what it meant. That all barriers were gone. That they were completely theirs, only theirs, at last. Whatever it was, it was fucking amazing.

Brian gripped the tops of Justin's thighs and pulled him down with every thrust. But he wanted their skin to touch everywhere, and he couldn't put weight down on Justin like he used to, so he pulled out and settled Justin on his side, getting behind him, sliding back inside like he'd never left.

He loved cradling Justin close, feeling his skin like fire all over. Wrapping an arm around his chest, sometimes his belly, and fucking him slow and deep. Harder when he heard that small whimper that meant Justin needed more.

xxx

Brian never held back when it came to sex, and finding out Justin was pregnant didn't change that.

Not right away.

It wasn't until about three months in… the ultrasound. Lindsay had shown him the sonogram picture of Gus when she was pregnant, sure. But, _one_, he hadn't been fucking Lindsay, and _two_, it was completely different to be there. To see movement on the screen and hear that heartbeat like thunder… or, as Justin said, like the thumpa-thumpa beat of Babylon.

The baby wasn't just an idea anymore. He could see it and hear it and it was growing inside Justin. And Brian got a little weird about sex.

It was just for a few days that it was really an issue. But it was worrisome to have Brian Kinney pushing for hand jobs and blow jobs and brushing off the full act. Justin knew it was because of the ultrasound, but at first he thought it had turned Brian off, which was not the case. As Brian would tell Justin when called on it, he was also not having irrational fears of his cock _hitting_ the baby when they fucked, or of the baby hearing what they were doing ("He better get used to it. He's gonna be hearing a lot of that as he grows up. At least I fucking hope so!").

It wasn't anything in particular he could explain. He just got a little freaked out. He had to adjust. He got over it.

Of course, then there was a bit of an issue over Brian, in Justin's opinion, getting too gentle with him when they fucked, right around the time that Justin was at his hormonal horniest. While Justin had to realize he was no longer a solo passenger on Mr. Kinney's Wild Ride, as it were, he also refused to give up getting fucked into the mattress any sooner than the laws of physics demanded.

They found some highly pleasurable compromises as the pregnancy went along.

xxx

_Fuck… so… good…_

Orgasms lingered, vibrating pleasure remnants throughout their bodies at the feel of hot, sticky cum, pure between them, from Brian into Justin, dripping out, along his crack, behind his balls and down still quaking thighs.

No need to pull out right away. Raw, even the slow softening inside was a good feeling.

"I love you," Brian breathed in Justin's ear.

"You said that when you came." Justin smiled, remembering both moments earlier and the very first time that happened. "But thanks for saying it again. Fuck, I love you, too."

xxx

The entire second trimester had marked a major creative surge for Justin. He couldn't stop painting, all the fear and love he was experiencing so strongly with the pregnancy making for powerful inspirational material. Brian had to hover, whether in person or with frequent phone calls, to make sure Justin was taking breaks and sitting down.

He had a show at the Bloom Gallery (and an offer of one at the Lenox in Manhattan, after the baby was born). His art was tremendously well-received, and nearly every piece sold. Not to mention, though Brian did, he looked fucking amazing. Bless Prada for coming out with a line of paternity formal wear.

But he still couldn't help but worry, as he worked the crowd and shook hands and withstood gawking and nosy questions of when he was due, that some of the people were there just to… check out the _freak._

Justin would not be made to feel like a freak again. He never had for being gay. Not when kids at school called him names, kicked him around. Not when his dad slapped his face or called his lifestyle '_disgusting_.' The one time he'd felt like a freak had been those first few months after the bashing, barely able to function, and not just his hand. Brian made him feel human again.

Justin didn't need Brian to do that now. No, Justin was fucking proud to be having their baby. But, on the occasion that someone on the street gave him a disparaging glance or made a "tsk" sound, it felt damn good to have Brian there, aiming looks that could kill with an arm proudly around him.

xxx

Come month seven, Emmett and Debbie took it upon themselves to throw Justin and Brian a baby shower. Probably the only time the diner had ever been "closed for a private party." Daphne was there, Jennifer and Molly, and Tessa, an open-minded hetero expectant single mom Justin had befriended at the doctor's office. Plus all the guys, who had surely never expected to be attending such an event in their lives. But Emmett had gone all out… maybe _too _out (but, being Em, they wouldn't have expected less)… with the theme, with both a real, edible cake, and a cake made entirely of diapers. He'd arranged games such as Bobbing For Pacifiers and Bottle Suck (who could suck milk… or Cosmos… from a baby bottle the fastest), and not surprisingly won them both. And they'd decorated the place with chains of cock rings, with baby rattles hanging from them.

It was all insane and wonderful. Even Brian, who'd balked at attending, had a good time laughing at everyone making idiots of themselves.

The trouble started with the gifts. Most of them were great. Car seat. Onesies. Tub toys. Picture frames. Jennifer had even gotten the baby's first designer jeans and T-shirt from Armani Baby, to which Brian reacted by bending her dramatically backward and kissing her cheek.

But then some jackass… no, make that two… Michael and Ted… (Brian's best friends, sure, but these were the same yahoos who thought it'd be a swell idea to take him to a funeral parlor for his 30th birthday)… gave Justin a breast pump.

There was also an entire breastfeeding basket, including nipple butter, to ease soreness, and something terrifyingly called _Booby Tubes_, to help with clogged ducts.

Brian kind of wanted to knock their skulls together, Three Stooges style, then hold them under the water in the pacifier bobbing tub. But he waited to see how his hubby would react.

Justin got up, came around where Michael and Ted were sitting and giggling, like he was going to hug them from behind, and poured milk over both of their heads. As they sputtered, he put his hands up to his boob-less chest and squeezed, lamenting, "Oh God, I'm sorry! I just can't control these things!" Then stormed off into the bathroom.

Brian waved off Daphne and everyone else. Told them if they were very lucky, they might be graced with his and Justin's presence again shortly. And went after him. Knocked and was let in with just an utterance of "Sun-,"which surprised Brian, because it was a definite risk calling him "Sunshine" when he was in this kind of mood.

Brian eyed Justin suggestively as he locked the door behind him. "All _right_. This is how you liven up a party."

"I do not have breasts!"

It was not Justin's queenliest pregnancy moment. That moment occurred twice: first time he couldn't see his dick when he looked down (soft), followed by the first time he couldn't see his dick, part 2 (The Hardness).

Still, Brian blinked at the forceful and unnecessary declaration. "Now, I love your tits best of all I've encountered, but they are on the tiny side, I'll admit."

Justin just seethed. Okay, maybe not the time for jokes.

"C'mon, is this really bothering you?"

"No. I mean, not _this, _not really. I guess I just don't find it funny because sometimes I feel… I don't feel very masculine." Justin laughed at himself before Brian could even respond. "Like I ever was, right?"

"What are you talking about?"

Justin stood there, looking down at the round belly his hand was protectively clutching, as if to protect the baby from words he himself might say. "Sometimes I don't know how you could even see me as a man now."

"Of course I fucking see you as a man! What else would I see you as?"

"Brian, remember when you had cancer. Remember trying to hide it from me?"

"…Yeah."

"No, I'm not comparing the baby to cancer, but you worried I'd see you as less of a man because you only had one ball! How do you think I feel? I'm fucking pregnant!"

Brian walked up behind Justin and stood close, letting him lean back a little, starting a shoulder rub. "Look… I don't know how the hell you do it. I know I couldn't. But you do. You manage to be pregnant and this fucking sexy man at the same time." He shrugged. "Didn't your mother always tell you you were gifted?"

"Do you think the reason I have the genetic marker that allows for this is because I'm kind of…?"

"What?"

Justin's nose wrinkled. "Effeminate? I never really thought of myself that way, but I guess I am, at least relatively speaking."

Before Brian could figure out what the fuck to say to that, there was a knock on the door.

"Guys? It's Drew."

Justin and Brian looked at each other in confusion. Drew was their friend, but they wouldn't have picked him as the one who'd come check on them.

"Maybe he has to take a piss," Brian mumbled. Justin cautiously unlocked the door and let him inside.

"Sorry to interrupt. Justin, Michael and Ted said they're stupid and sorry they upset you. Brian, they said not to feel left out, they got you your own breast pump."

Brian scowled (partly at Justin's giggle). "Tell them they really didn't need to tell us they're stupid. That we knew."

"But that's not why I came in. I have something to say to that last question of yours, Justin."

"Fuck, can everybody hear us out there?"

"No. Emmett thought I should talk to you, and I heard what you were just saying when I was at the door. I want to give you… some information."

"O-_kay_, go ahead."

"Did you know that, back when you told us the news, some of us decided to get tested for the marker?"

"Yeah, and nobody had it."

"That's not exactly true."

"But I remember. Michael and Ben and Ted and Em were all here, in the diner, sitting in a booth, and they were talking about it. Michael and Ben… right, they decided not to find out. But Ted said he and Blake, neither one had it. And Em said he didn't."

Justin could just barely make out Brian muttering, "That blows your theory."

Drew didn't hear, just smiled. "What about what he didn'tsay? Or, _who _he didn't?"

Brian and Justin looked at each other, mouths half open. _No fucking way._

"Drew… _you_?"

"Apparently so. We didn't tell anybody else. We're just kind of holding on to the knowledge for now. But we thought you should know."

Justin was amazed. He understood and was grateful. The football player was the furthest thing from feminine. For some reason, knowing they shared this did make him feel better.

"Justin, I don't know why you or why me, but I do know… we're lucky."

"Whoa," Brian jumped in. "Does that mean _Drewsie_ and Mrs. Emmy Lou Drew are planning to take advantage of this possibility?"

"We've talked about it, a little. Who knows? If we can ever fully wrap our heads around it, maybe someday we'll plan for it. Or maybe someday it'll just… happen."

"Ha ha. That would mean Emmett would have to fuck _you_." Brian wasn't naïve, no, but he was trying to picture Emmett topping (anybody, let alone Drew) and it was freaking him the fuck out.

"Oh. Right. That _never _happens," Drew said, dripping sarcasm and grinning as he turned to leave.

"Just like it never happens with us!" Justin added with a wink. "Thanks, Drew."

They were silent for about a minute once it was just the two of them.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Look, speaking of that thing that _never happens_… You think I'd let you do that… You think I'd _want _you to if I didn't think you were all man?"

"Care to prove it at home tonight?" Justin challenged.

Brian wouldn't back down. "Tell me where you want me."

The tip of Justin's tongue peeked out and his eyes narrowed. "I want you… _bent over_… my feet. Rubbing them. As I lie on the couch and you feed me grapes. Fuck, I'm exhausted."

Justin had topped Brian bareback one time once they could. It was amazing but very tricky, and considering the weeks of uncomfortable pregnancy left and the time he'd need to heal from the surgery after, it would not be repeated for quite a while.

"Fucking tease. Feel better? I just need to know you're not gonna go all shaved head trying to prove something."

"I promise. Bald pregnant man? That's terrifying. And yeah, I'm good."

"I could _make you _feel better."

"Yes, you could. Get me a piece of cake."

"They're never going to believe we were in here this long and absolutely no kind of sex took place. Regardless of your delicate-" he coughed, "_manly _but delicate condition. Mikey'll think something's wrong with me. He might call an ambulance to get my ass."

"Cake now, and later, when everybody's cleaning up out there, we'll sneak back and I'll blow you. Deal?"

"Deal. Remind me to grab that nipple butter. Joke's on them. We're fucking using that stuff."

xxx

In month eight, two pretty notable things happened.

First, Lindsay and Mel brought the kids back to the 'Burgh to visit their dads, and Gus got to stay at Britin for five days. It was tough to tell which kid- Gus or _Brian_ - was the most excited.

Brian and Justin had told Gus he was going to be a big brother again on a phone call a couple of months earlier, but this was the first time he'd seen Justin's stomach. His eyes got very wide.

"This is weird but cool."

"Well said, Sonny Boy."

"Timmy Messner said his uncle was having a baby but he lies sometimes." He put out a small hand, looking up to Justin, who nodded, before he touched.

Brian wondered how a kid of his (or Mel's) could be so fucking polite. The power of two well-mannered blonds.

"Talk to him, Gus. He can hear you," Justin encouraged.

"Hi. I'm your brother. I grew in my mommy's tummy, not Jus's, but I'm still your brother. _Big _brother. I live far away but I hope I get to see you. You'll be more fun to play with than Jenny. I love her but she's a girl and she's annoying."

Justin wanted to laugh at some of Gus's sentiments, but all he could see was the pain in Brian's eyes when Gus talked about living far away. Not only was he missing his firstborn, but the thought of the boys not growing up together was killing him.

"Can I name him?" Gus asked.

That made Brian smile, if also a bit afraid. "Uh… what name?"

"I don't know yet. I'm gonna think about it a lot. How long do I have?"

"A couple of months." Justin looked at Brian, letting him know he was fine with it. "I think you naming your brother is a wonderful idea. Your daddy and I haven't been able to pick one yet."

Brian sidled in close to his husband, whispering in his ear. "You just better hope he doesn't take after your method of naming babies after teddy bears. His fucking bear is named Mr. Stinky Paws."

Gus tugged on his father's hand. "Dad, you're sure it's a boy?"

"Pretty sure."

"Good. I'm not picking girl names." Gus patted Justin's stomach sweetly. "If it's a girl, don't bring it home, 'kay?"

xxx

The second thing happened the day after Gus had gone back to Canada.

Tessa told Justin over lunch that afternoon. Justin wasn't sure he wanted to share the news with Brian right away, both because he didn't know what he thought of it himself, and because Brian was already dealing with missing Gus again. But, on the second point, maybe it would be a distraction.

That night, on the sofa, in front of the fire, Justin caught Brian in a willing cuddle and told him everything she'd said.

Tessa had recently made a casual mention of her new friend to her younger sister, Hailey, and her sister had immediately recognized Justin's name. Turned out she'd been a student at St. James. A class below Justin, but she had been at the prom.

Hailey was now a freelance writer, and she wanted to write an article about Justin and Brian and the baby.

"What do you think? Hey."

Brian's body had tensed in a way only talk of the prom could cause. His eyes were distant and sad for a second, then focused and wary. "It's strange that this girl just _happened _to make friends with you at the Doc's and just _happened _to have this sister who went to school with you."

"No, Brian, don't go getting suspicious of Tessa. She didn't know who I was… besides a pregnant man vandalizing old issues of _Good Housekeeping_." For once unaccompanied by Brian, and bored in the waiting room, he'd done some interesting doodles of Bugs Bunny impregnating Yosemite Sam.

"Didn't she go to St. James, too?"

"Even if she had, she would have been five years ahead of me. But no, she didn't. Hailey's her half-sister. They grew up in different states. Tessa didn't move to Pittsburgh until after grad school."

Brian nodded, relaxing a little. He was relieved that Justin's friend was for real, and that he didn't have to go medieval on a pregnant woman, because he really didn't know how the fuck he could have.

"Why does this chick want to write about us?"

"I guess she thinks it's a good story. What happened then, and now, all these years later, that we're still together. Married. Baby on the way, which is a pretty incredible story in itself."

"How did she know I was even the same guy?"

"Tessa had a picture of you and me from the shower. She showed it to Hailey when they realized the prom connection."

"And, of course, I haven't aged a day."

Actually, Brian looked even better than he had back then, but Justin just smiled at him. "C'mon, we do have a fucking amazing story. You know it."

"You sound like you're trying to talk me into doing this. Does that mean you want to?"

"I honestly have no idea. Part of me, maybe. I feel like it would be a celebration of us, you know? We've been through so fucking much. And look at us."

"We are fabulous," Brian whispered in agreement, sneaking a wet kiss behind Justin's ear. "But what does the other part of you say?"

"It says… I'm not sure I want to share us. I'm not sure I want to sit down with this girl who's basically a stranger and know that she remembers moments that are so important to us and I _don't_. And even now maybe I'm afraid to… jinx everything."

"I think the loudest part of me is agreeing with that part of you so far."

"And we don't even know if she'd be able to sell the article, who she'd sell it to or where, but I don't want my father to find out about the baby. I know he's going to, eventually, but…" Justin knew it wasn't fair to ask his mother, and especially his sister, to keep such a huge secret, but they had offered. "I don't want him to. Not that I care if he thinks I'm even more of a mutant than he already does…"

Brian held him just a breath tighter. He knew Justin cared. Justin would always care.

"He just doesn't deserve to know," Justin finished.

"That's for fucking sure. Same goes for Joan."

"Debbie won't tell her, will she?"

"Nah. After Deb found out what Mommie Dearest said about the cancer being my punishment from God for being gay, I think she reconsidered her stance on the woman's need-to-know status."

"Good. So… I tell Tessa no?"

"Your call."

"I'm going to tell her no. Maybe one day, after he's here, we'll feel differently, I don't know. But we've got enough going on right now."

"We don't need Lois Lane to do some celebration of us. This baby, he's the real celebration."

Justin kind of laughed and cried at the same time, head falling back onto strong shoulder. "God, Brian, you still need to warn me when you're going to say perfect shit like that."

"Fuck no, I've got to keep you on your toes."

"You do that, believe me. And soon you'll have help." Justin's hands covered Brian's, over the baby.

"But if it's a girl, we can't bring it home," Brian laughed.

"Oh my God, Gus. He's a character, that one. Honest. Knows what he wants. So like his dad."

"I want him here."

"I know."

"I'm gonna keep working on Lindsay. Gus living away from me was one thing. He doesn't really need me. But he needs to be near his brother."

"Brian, Gus is a great kid, and he's a pretty happy kid, but he'd be happier if he got to spend more time with you. He does need you."

"The munchers think I'm replacing him."

"If they think that, it's just to keep from feeling guilty for keeping Gus away from you. I know they know how much you love Gus. Just like I know Gus knows. Like I've always known."

"You know every-fucking-thing, don't you?"

"Yes. Do _you _know…"

"What?"

"Do you know when I fell in love with you?"

Brian raised a silent eyebrow and tried to look cocky while his chest turned inside out, waiting. He'd told Justin he loved him, many times, but he still hoped he wouldn't be expected to ask (and then answer) the same question.

"As much as I tried to convince myself otherwise for a while, just because it sounds so foolish teenager, I really did fall in love with you that first night, at least a good portion of the way. It wasn't at first sight. But it wasn't when you fucked me, either."

"Ahh, love at first rim job."

"Nope. It was when I saw you at the hospital, holding Gus for the first time. The look in your eyes, like you couldn't believe this perfect creature came from you. The way you smiled, like it surprised you that you loved him but you totally did. It inspired me. To keep showing up, to make you love me a little, because I knew you had it in you to give. And it was precious and beautiful and I wanted it. That moment, you meeting your son… that's why you could never convince me you were heartless, hard as you tried. I'd already seen it wasn't true."

Brian knew in moments like these that he wasn't heartless, because that place in his chest was full, swollen, uncomfortably so, and resounding through his body like thunder. He lowered his mouth to Justin's, kissed, sipped, _loved_.

xxx

In the final month, with the C-section only a few weeks away, Brian was acting a bit… off.

He'd been great the whole time, and he still was. But there were a couple of instances where Justin seemed to catch Brian in a lie. A lunch supposedly had with Michael, except that Justin had talked to Michael and knew that wasn't true. A conference call that was going to keep him busy at a certain time, except that Cynthia knew nothing about it. Justin wasn't _trying _to discover such things, he just did, and all he could think was that the cancer was back.

Justin knew Brian wouldn't keep something like that from him again… except maybe when Justin was pregnant, nearly full-term, and trying to avoid stress.

_Shit._

So he made a special point of telling Brian he wanted to know anything that happened. Good or bad, if he thought it would upset him or not, Justin wanted to know.

Brian made a somewhat affirmative-sounding grunt, kissed him on the cheek, petted his stomach, and was gone.

He wasn't proud of it, and he blamed the hormones, but one morning while Brian was on the treadmill, Justin snooped through Brian's cell phone . Amidst the names and numbers he recognized, he found one he didn't, repeated a few times… _Dr. WILD_. Once his husband jumped in the shower, Justin summoned his courage and called the number, prepared to pretend to be Brian and ask a receptionist when his appointment was.

Instead, he got a private voice mail. _"You've reached Alex…"? _Quickly hung up.

Justin couldn't think why Brian would have an oncologist's private cell number. Sure, they had Dr. Reynard's, in case of emergency, but that was different. What if it wasn't even really a doctor? "Dr. WILD" could be a legitimate name, but with the all caps, it sounded more like someone you'd call a 900 number to talk to. What if…

He didn't want to think it, but in the ninth month, their sex life was down to pretty much nothing. Maybe Brian…

No. He wouldn't. Even when Brian was tricking, there were no names or numbers. Besides, they were married, they were fucking raw (when they were fucking), and the baby was almost there.

…But, maybe it was all too much?

_NO. _Justin mentally slapped himself for even thinking those things for a second. And again, harder, ten minutes later when Brian was fixing him breakfast (well, toast) and kissing him tenderly.

That was just how much he didn't want Brian to be sick again, Justin figured. Imagining infidelity was actually preferable.

Besides being closer to the hospital, which was the main reason for it, one of the good things about staying at the loft for the last few weeks of pregnancy was being much closer to Kinnetik and lunch together being an option. But when Justin offered, Brian said he couldn't, that he'd be working straight through.

"Isn't one of the perks of owning your own agency supposed to be that you can take lunch whenever you want?"

"No, it just means all the work is ultimately on you." Brian looked apologetic.

"I know. And if I want you to be able to take time off after he's born, _ya gotta do what ya gotta do_." Justin finished in a laughably Tony Soprano_-_esque voice.

Brian's mouth wavered but he didn't quite laugh. "Yeah… Wise Guy." He leaned into Justin, kissed his forehead, his mouth. "You should have lunch with your mom. Have her come over here. Or see if Michael can leave that greasy kid in charge of the store and-"

"I might do that. But Idon't need a sitter."

Justin knew Brian worried a little about him being alone these days. But he still had a couple of weeks to go.

Brian nodded tiredly, having heard that many times. "I know."

xxx

Justin went back to bed for a couple of hours and was woken by a cell phone ring. Not his. Brian's. He'd forgotten to slip the phone back after his snooping.

Justin couldn't imagine Brian functioning without his cell for a whole day. He was kind of itching to go out, anyway, and their new car (NOT a minivan, but… roomy) wanted to be driven, so he decided to drive to Kinnetik to deliver the phone. Brian wouldn't be happy with him, but once he was there, maybe he could corner his husband into having lunch.

He was relieved to find his pregnant belly still fit behind the wheel. He secured his seat belt as he looked out the windshield at the gray sky and hoped it didn't rain. Brian's phone sounded again. A text message.

Justin paused briefly. Grasped the phone, flipped open, pushed the button to see… _Dr. WILD. _Pushed again.

_12:15 today, Woody's, still good? See you at our usual table._

Justin felt sick as he started the engine, destination slightly changed.

xxx

"How are you feeling this week?"

Brian made a face.

"Sorry, forgot, you don't like _that_ F word. Damn my shrink speak. How's it hanging?"

"You wish you knew, Doc."

"Photographic memory," Alex grinned. "But… seriously, Brian."

"Almost ripped some fag's head off the other day."

Dr. Wilder didn't blink. "Care to tell why?"

"Justin and I were walking, down fucking _Liberty_, and this piece of shit passing us looks at Justin, at his stomach, and mouths, _'disgusting.'_ He was fucking lucky I had my arm around Justin or it would have been wrapped around his neck."

"Did Justin see?"

"I don't think so, which is why I let it go."

"Something similar has happened before, yes?"

"Few times. Some people you expect it from, but when it comes from queers, it pisses me off so much more."

"It's not dissimilar to the negative reaction transgenders often receive from inside the LGBT community that's supposed to include them. It's not right but it is… human, I suppose, to lash out at things we don't understand."

"Hey, there's a lot of shit I don't understand, but doesn't mean it's _necessarily _wrong. I'm even willing to admit that about heteros now."

"That's extremely open-minded of you, Brian," Alex lightly teased. "But, sadly, suffering prejudice personally doesn't mean you can't be prejudiced against others. A woman can be racist. Someone of a racial minority can be a homophobe. And a gay person can hate transgenders or heterosexuals or a pregnant man."

"So, the world is an asshole. And I'm bringing another kid into it."

Alex put a hand over Brian's, with a smile and a squeeze. "And you can't fucking wait, can you?"

Brian's face lit and curved into his best impression of a Sunshine smile. "Nope."

"Well, part of me hates to say it, but I don't think you need these little talks anymore."

So close to the end of the pregnancy, Brian had been feeling… overwhelmed. He was reluctant even to admit that, and he hadn't wanted to put it on Justin. They talked, talked all the time about their hopes and fears, and Justin was always there to exorcise Jack from Brian's mind when that specter started to creep up. But sometimes it was good to bounce his sillier worries… or, like that day, things he thought would hurt his husband unnecessarily… off the good doctor, who was detached but a little snarky and could give unbiased advice over a drink at Woody's. They'd met for this sort of informal almost-therapy once or twice a week for the last few weeks. Brian never mentioned it to Justin because he didn't want Justin to think talking to a shrink, in whatever capacity, meant he was having second thoughts about the baby.

"I'm declaring you fully equipped to deal with your own happiness, Mr. Kinney."

"Fuck. I'm all grown up."

Alex had a real appointment to get to and left the bar just a minute or two ahead of Brian. As Brian was leaving, the bartender called out, reaching to hand him something.

"What the fuck are you doing with my cell phone?"

"Blond guy dropped it off, said to give it to you. Cute but big as a house. He looked upset."

The bartender was pretty new, and Justin (not drinking, not smoking) hadn't set foot in the bar in almost nine months, so he didn't know him.

Brian tried to process everything quickly. Justin had brought him his cell phone. Justin was driving? Shit, it was pouring down rain. Justin must have seen him with Alex. _Fuck, _what did it look like to him? Did he think…?

Brian ran outside and jumped in the Corvette, immediately drenched, hitting his speed dial as his tires squealed away from the curb before his windshield wipers were even on.

_Justin…_

xxx

Justin didn't understand. The man touching Brian's hand, the way Brian smiled at him, he didn't understand any of it.

It was raining so hard he couldn't even tell if he was crying. And he wasn't sure if he was driving home or where, or how long he had been, he was just driving.

His lower back was hurting more than usual. Now that he thought about it, he guessed it had been since he woke up, but not like this. He wished it would stop.

_AAAHH_, but suddenly it was his stomach and it was so much worse. Before was dull and this was sharp. Sharp pain inside and he was afraid for the baby and he was letting go of the wheel.

_Brian…_

xxx

He didn't know how he'd known, but he'd known that Justin was heading towards Britin instead of the loft. Even in the thunderstorm, Brian sped.

Five miles from the house, Brian almost didn't see the car that had driven off the side of the road, its silver gone gray through the downpour.

He slammed on brakes and just managed to keep his own car from skidding out of control.

"JUSTIN!" he screamed, jumping out and running through the accusatory glare of his high beams, thunder clapping and nearly drowning him out.

Justin's car hadn't crashed, and thankfully the airbag hadn't deployed. Justin had managed to keep the car running along the road's edge, slowing, missing the trees… before he passed out.

Brian yanked violently at the driver door handle, hand slipping trying to get the locked car open, nearly desperate enough to punch through the glass, before remembering and running back to the Corvette for his keys.

One engine down, Justin's door open, for a moment everything was eerily still. White noise of rain and heartbeat.

"Justin, no, no, no. Justin, open your eyes."

He'd been here before.

It didn't look like Justin had hit his head, but he was unconscious. Arm limply under his belly like he had been holding it. There was blood, down low, staining clothes, the seat. _No._

They'd been here, with Justin unconscious, Brian begging, blood. But it wasn't just them anymore.

Baby. Brian reached out, hand shaky, shivering. Touched Justin's stomach, his face. Brian was cold. Justin was still warm. Justin was always so warm.

Brian looked around wildly. No cars passing, no one. Hospital, far away. Cell phone, no signal.

He was afraid to move Justin but he had to. Unbuckled the seat belt and tried to push Justin carefully, hurriedly, over to the passenger side. Climbed in and wrapped an arm around his back, one under his legs, just managed to gently lift him enough to place him in the other seat. Grabbed the steering wheel like a man possessed.

Left a handprint of dark red.

"You can't leave. You would have killed me before but now it's so much… more." Fingers gripped Justin's fingers, the ring. "Both of you. You have to stay with me. _Forever_, fuck, just… please…"

_God, help…_

"Wake up."

_What if this storm ends?  
And leaves us nothing  
Except a memory  
A distant echo _


	5. Epilogue

The Lightning Strike  
by AHS

Epilogue:

_Painted in flames  
All peeling thunder  
Be the lightning in me  
That strikes relentless_

"_Wake up… _Brian, wake up."

Brian's eyes opened to pure blue… and he felt his heart start again. Too fast, but at least it had a reason to beat.

"Justin."

He touched soft blond and warm skin and wrapped around tightly, feeling his dick pressing against Justin's stomach… _flat _stomach.

Justin was already wondering at wetness around Brian's eyes and now wondered at the sudden panic and confusion in them.

"Jus- no, where's the-"

"Shh, it's okay." Justin kissed Brian softly, with safety and reality, brushing away remnants of tears. "It's okay, promise. Nightmare?" Justin wrapped the duvet around him. "You're shivering."

"I…" Brian sat up, looked around. They were in their bedroom at the house. He made Justin lie back so he could look him over, head to toe. Beautiful, worried eyes. Wedding ring. No blood. _No baby. _"You were… hurt," he choked out.

"Brian," Justin whispered, holding him, holding him, holding him as his breathing slowed, eased. "I'm not hurt. I'm here."

"You… both were."

No, there was a baby. Brian knew there was. He wasn't that confused.

Justin looked at him, so sadly, understanding. Then shook his head, happiness slowly replacing. "We're fine. I'm beyond fine, actually, because _he _is on his way!"

Brian's head was starting to clear. "He is?"

"I'm sorry, I let you sleep after the phone call because she said we had a while to wait, and you looked peaceful at the time. If I'd known, I would have woken you, but… Tessa's in labor!"

Tessa. Their surrogate. Brian finally felt himself fully back in the real world. And grinned. "Fuck yeah."

"We're parents, Brian. Holy shit."

"Eloquently said."

They just stared at each other a few moments, in joy and amazement. Then Justin jumped into gear. "Her sister's taking her to the hospital, but I said we'd meet them there right away. Come on, we've got to get ready!"

"It's bizarre, you know. You this awake at… fuck, 5:54 in the morning?"

"Kind of a special occasion! Shower, let's go!" Justin started to pull Brian into the bathroom, then stopped suddenly. "Wait. Shit, I'm… I got caught up, and I figured you wouldn't want to talk about your dream, but it seemed… bad."

"Not all of it."

Justin laid his palm against Brian's cheek. "So, are you really okay?"

Brian had been in hell just a few minutes earlier, but once his consciousness had caught up and Justin's arms were around him, it was a different story. He nodded, taking Justin's hand. "I'm good now. You kidding? I'm fucking incredible. Not only am I happy, I'm equipped to deal with said happiness. What do you think of that?"

"There is an awful lot happening today. Maybe we could do with a little last minute session? I could call Alex…"

"The only kind of session I need is in the shower with you. What could possibly be our last completely uninterrupted fuck session for the next eighteen years, and I plan to make it count."

"Brian, we have to get to the hospital!" Justin insisted, resolve wavering as Brian sucked on his neck and sank fingernails into the under curve of his ass. "Well… her contractions were still nine minutes apart…"

Brian laughed, pleased at getting his way, and thinking of how roomy the large shower would once again seem. "Love you, you know."

"I do know. I know everything." Justin kissed Brian quickly, pressing _"loveyou" _onto his lips.

"But I don't care how much I love you," Brian added a minute later, turning on the water. "No more of your Nick at Nite marathons. Fucking Bill Cosby."

Justin did a double take, giggled as he stepped under the spray. "What the hell did Bill Cosby do to offend you? Besides the ugly sweaters."

"That episode. You know the one. The… _pregnant men_."

Justin blinked, then went into hysterics. "Oh- my God," he gasped.

"Shut up before you drown."

"Sorry, um… Which one of us… was…?"

"YOU, obviously!"

"Why is that obvious?"

"Hmm, let me show you."

Their shower was stocked with lube but _no condoms_, never needed again, and halle-fucking-lujah. As Brian pushed inside Justin, bare, pure, he couldn't help but thank a higher power he only seemed to believe in when he was _inside Justin_ (the truly fucking holy place) that he had Justin… that they lived in a world where "birth control" was not a necessary phrase, at least for them… where they could fuck like animals, thin and fabulous, through the whole damn nine months of pregnancy, even labor if they so chose (Justin wouldn't)… and, in the end, they still got to bring _their baby _home.

_I want to see you  
As you are now  
Every single day  
That I am living  
_

end


End file.
